I just spent 4th of July weekend with most of mine and some things never change while others are constantly evolving 6 months at a time.
We are, by definition, a loud bunch to say the least. We are, also by definition, a little overwhelming…and if you aren’t overwhelming someone you are being overwhelmed. Take it or leave it, this is my family. (I’ve gained quite a bit of perspective in the past few weeks and have already started a separate post on that.)
From the time I was born and for many years after that I spent summers with my Grandparents in Loveland. I thought it was great! Jennifer and Joseph didn’t always go and I felt like an only child! I helped build the brick planter in front of their house; I helped take care of the gardens and, I’m sure, was a gigantic pain! I will never forget the smell of the auto shop and bringing lunch there while it was still open for business. To this day, grease and car smell can bring tears to my eyes. My grandmother makes the best mashed potatoes and I loved having toast with a hole cut out of it for my fried egg!
After the 5th grade, my mother let me out of the last 2 weeks or so of school to drive to NY for a whole month with my Grandparents. My job was the helper (I remember quite distinctly being the sleeper…). I helped so much Grammie and I left the expensive shampoo and conditioner (expense is relative when you’re going into the 6th grade) in the first hotel we stayed in! What I didn’t exactly want to acknowledge then is this: it was the last time Poppy would travel to NY to see his family and he invited me along to be a part of that.
He had Emphysema and was typically unwilling to leave the house much due to the oxygen tanks and fearing he would run out before returning home – this trip was nothing less than an act of absolute bravery. I was the hugger. Anytime he felt weak, I was, and still am, absolutely convinced I could transfer energy to him. We had tea time at night, probably around 8 when 60-Minutes was on. (I hated 60-Minutes and would watch TV instead with Grammie in the sitting room.) I made him tea by heating up water in a pan on the stove, putting the spoon and tea bag into the mug and adding honey and lemon to it…then the water. We also had cookies and I was allowed no more than 3, sometimes 4. I sat with him during routine nebulizer treatments and watched un-phased by the use of an inhaler. To this day when I go to the house, it still seems empty in that part of the kitchen where the oxygen tank used to reside.
Then I lost him and my heart broke. It is still broken. There are so many times now I wish I had sat through an Indy-500 or 60-Minutes with him or learned how to build the tiniest little fire opposed to my rip-roaring-raging infernos. Would it have been so awful to watch a holiday parade? But, I didn’t. I was young, didn’t realize how sick he was and I hated 60-Minutes. Golden Girls was better. Watched every episode with Grammie in the sitting room. She used to let me watch TGIF when I was there and when there was a divorce on Blossom or some other show and I got upset, the only thing I had to do was sit in her lap and cry. I didn’t even have to explain myself to her.
This is the same Grammie that took me all over NY and didn’t let me use my new camera in the city for fear someone would take it from me. We rode the Subway with Cousin Cathy and I was allowed to stand up even though I wasn’t doing a very good job of it. One day I went to work with Cathy – I don’t remember much, she put on makeup in the car during rush hour traffic and there were gardens outside of her building that were shaded and very pretty. We went for pizza when we were there and I didn’t realize how LARGE the slices were, so I ordered 2….and then ate them both because it was totally fantastic!! I asked her, “how big are the slices?” Cathy’s response, “regular sized.” I’m from Colorado, regular sized is Dominos, not the size of a dinner plate! She showed me how to use a combination lock because I didn’t know how and was quite nervous about 6th grade orientation and missing that part. We watched Johnny Carson on TV at night and I believe I watched his last show while I was there. The shower was one of those cool tubs with the curtain that went all the way around – I still want one for my house! I went to a Birthday party and decorated t-shirts for someone I wish I hadn’t lost touch with – I still have that shirt, and the puff paint still glows in the dark. And, of course, no trip to NY is complete without the I heart NY shirt exactly like the one Madison wore in Splash!
I don’t remember much about Uncle Angelo or Aunt Lee….Uncle Angelo was very, very funny though!
After NY we went to PA to visit Uncle Johnny (Poppy’s brother) and Aunt Millie. It was great! They had the best house and a big Collie named Jake! Jake was fantastic! We drove around Lancaster County and I saw horses and buggies. We went to a restaurant, Grammie, Aunt Millie and me, where it was family style so there were rows and rows of tables seating many people.
Last year we went to a German restaurant in Denver and it was a riot! Grammie was ordering another glass of wine before hers was even ½ finished and she was madly in love with the restaurant! It was a ball and she was in her element at that very minute! She taught me how to clean at this dinner: if you don’t clean anything, it all turns the same shade of grey and nobody will ever know – brilliant! Untrue because I have seen her clean before though!
All of these memories are the reason that when Grammie walked through the door a couple of weeks ago using a cane I lost it. I suppose she has used it for a while, but to me that isn’t the point. It’s difficult to watch the woman who speaks of dating when she was younger and going dancing with gay men just so she could go and have fun need assistance. Conversations aren’t what they once were either. She has this excitement to her and her voice carries and her blue eyes twinkle when she tells stories. This time there was less excitement and a little less twinkle; I don’t remember many stories either. She spoke of death and at that point, much to my relief, my Uncle told her “death is boring, let’s change the subject”. She’s only 80…I don’t think it’s time for the death talk either…but it is an incredibly uncomfortable topic.
She patted Patrick’s stomach and told him he was “middle-agey” and then did the same to my Uncle and told him he was “prosperous”. I’m just glad she stopped telling me I have a speech impediment and must have finally lost my baby fat.
Here’s what I know: I miss Poppy very, very much and would trade many things for another day with him. I know he’s with me, especially when I do something foolish because I can hear him telling me how it should have gone. “Don’t be impatient”,” don’t be greedy”, “save some for tomorrow” and “next time don’t be so hard on it and it won’t break”. One of those covers just about every issue I run into.
When the time comes that I miss Grammie that much, I will have very fond memories of the trip to Utah, just the two of us, to see Oma or her taking me to the Rec Center to swim until I was too pruny to be recognized.
These fantastic memories will ensure both of them are with me for the rest of my life.
